Snowflakes and fingerprints
We are all 'unique.'
But if we account into this,
the law of probablilty
and an infinite amount of time.
Will there ever be two identical snowflakes?
Will my DNA ever be replicated,
or am I already a copy of someone else's view
And even in
one billion years
will there
ever
be
another you?
Monday, December 24, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Friday, November 30, 2012
Sleepwalking Part 3
One of my my biggest fear is being alone in a closed room, and for good reason. When Katie slammed the door, my breath caught and I fell to the floor. You’re fine! my brain screamed, willing me to stand up. I fought back the panic with deep, gasping breaths, and finally managed to get to my feet. But by the time I opened the door, Katie was nowhere to be seen. The fifth floor, I thought.
I raced to the stairwell, just in time to hear screaming above me. “Katie! I’m coming!” I shouted, not caring if I woke up the entire building. I took the stairs two at a time, and emerged into the hallway. I didn’t see Katie, but other people had come out of their apartments and were clustered around the door at the end of the hallway. The screaming was coming from inside the apartment.
“It’s locked!” one of them said, and another replied, “The employee went to get keys, he’ll be here any second.”
The employee came back out of his apartment as I was running past it. I hurriedly explained that it was my friend Katie. He quickly unlocked the door, and we both darted inside.
“Katie!” I yelled. The apartment was empty. I flicked on the lights, chasing away the shadows, but Katie was nowhere in sight. I still heard the screaming, louder than before. “It’s coming from the closet!”
I pulled open the closet door, and a powerful stench hit me. It smelled like decaying flesh. The employee appeared beside me, holding his nose.
“Where is she?” he shouted over the screaming. I was baffled. The closet was completely bare, but the screaming was even louder.
That’s when I noticed the barely-visible seam in the wall, as if the back of the closet had a removable panel. I dug my finger into the crack, trying to pry it out. The employee saw me and joined in. My blood was rushing; I knew I needed to help Katie, but at the same time I was terrified at what I might find behind the panel. With one last pull, the panel came free.
Out tumbled Katie, and her screams turned into sobs of relief. I leaned over to help pick her up off the ground, when I glanced into the darkness of the crawlspace behind the wall. I’ll never forget what I saw there. Two sunken eyes stared at me from a face of stretched, rotted flesh. A mouth opened up into a gaping, silent scream. For a second, I thought I did hear it scream, until I realized that was my own voice.
When the employee saw what was in the closet, he hurried us out of the apartment and called the police. They said the corpse had been there for months, and it was the body of the girl whose apartment it had been. It turns out she was killed and hidden in the wall around the time people moved out last year. The apartment complex thought she’d left, and she had had such a troubled life at home that her family believed she’d finally cut ties with them and run off.
I learned later that the police had been able to link DNA evidence to her abusive ex-boyfriend, who lived in town. He was arrested two days later.
When we learned the victim’s name, Katie looked up in shock and said, “I knew her!” It turns out the girl, Anna, had had a lot of trouble making friends in her first year of college. Katie noticed, and had gone out of her way to be nice. It was near the end of the school year, so they didn’t get a chance to know each other well, but Anna seemed very grateful for Katie’s company.
I don’t know if Katie will sleep any better now, but at least her nightly wanderings have come to an end. The next morning, I saw Katie when I arrived in Biology. She told me something she’d just remembered. The last thing Katie ever said to Anna was this: “If you ever need anything, anything at all, just let me know and I’ll come right over.”
I guess Anna did need something after all.
I raced to the stairwell, just in time to hear screaming above me. “Katie! I’m coming!” I shouted, not caring if I woke up the entire building. I took the stairs two at a time, and emerged into the hallway. I didn’t see Katie, but other people had come out of their apartments and were clustered around the door at the end of the hallway. The screaming was coming from inside the apartment.
“It’s locked!” one of them said, and another replied, “The employee went to get keys, he’ll be here any second.”
The employee came back out of his apartment as I was running past it. I hurriedly explained that it was my friend Katie. He quickly unlocked the door, and we both darted inside.
“Katie!” I yelled. The apartment was empty. I flicked on the lights, chasing away the shadows, but Katie was nowhere in sight. I still heard the screaming, louder than before. “It’s coming from the closet!”
I pulled open the closet door, and a powerful stench hit me. It smelled like decaying flesh. The employee appeared beside me, holding his nose.
“Where is she?” he shouted over the screaming. I was baffled. The closet was completely bare, but the screaming was even louder.
That’s when I noticed the barely-visible seam in the wall, as if the back of the closet had a removable panel. I dug my finger into the crack, trying to pry it out. The employee saw me and joined in. My blood was rushing; I knew I needed to help Katie, but at the same time I was terrified at what I might find behind the panel. With one last pull, the panel came free.
Out tumbled Katie, and her screams turned into sobs of relief. I leaned over to help pick her up off the ground, when I glanced into the darkness of the crawlspace behind the wall. I’ll never forget what I saw there. Two sunken eyes stared at me from a face of stretched, rotted flesh. A mouth opened up into a gaping, silent scream. For a second, I thought I did hear it scream, until I realized that was my own voice.
When the employee saw what was in the closet, he hurried us out of the apartment and called the police. They said the corpse had been there for months, and it was the body of the girl whose apartment it had been. It turns out she was killed and hidden in the wall around the time people moved out last year. The apartment complex thought she’d left, and she had had such a troubled life at home that her family believed she’d finally cut ties with them and run off.
I learned later that the police had been able to link DNA evidence to her abusive ex-boyfriend, who lived in town. He was arrested two days later.
When we learned the victim’s name, Katie looked up in shock and said, “I knew her!” It turns out the girl, Anna, had had a lot of trouble making friends in her first year of college. Katie noticed, and had gone out of her way to be nice. It was near the end of the school year, so they didn’t get a chance to know each other well, but Anna seemed very grateful for Katie’s company.
I don’t know if Katie will sleep any better now, but at least her nightly wanderings have come to an end. The next morning, I saw Katie when I arrived in Biology. She told me something she’d just remembered. The last thing Katie ever said to Anna was this: “If you ever need anything, anything at all, just let me know and I’ll come right over.”
I guess Anna did need something after all.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Sleepwalking Part 2
Katie stood up and walked out of the apartment, in quick, jerky movements. I followed. Katie made her way to the end of the hallway, and into the stairwell. When she reached the first step, she dropped to her hands and knees and began crawling up the stairs. My heart leapt to my throat, the way she was moving seemed so inhuman. I swallowed my fears and followed her. When she reached the fifth floor, she walked into the hallway. She was going faster now, and I had to jog to keep up.
Katie reached the door at the end of the hall and paused. She turned her blank, staring face towards the doorway and slowly, oh so slowly, reached for the doorknob. I was suddenly terrified to find out what was behind that door. I darted forward and shook Katie awake.
She came to, and looked around. Several emotions flickered across her face: confusion, fear, and finally, anger. At me.
“You let me sleepwalk!” she yelled. “How could you? You said you’d wake me up!”
I apologized, as a couple people poked their heads into the hallway to see what the commotion was. One of them was an older lady, she came forward, arms crossed, and asked us why we were disturbing everyone.
“Sorry,” I said. “My friend was sleepwalking, we’ll be going now.” I paused. “Actually, could you tell us who lives in this apartment?”
“This one? It’s empty, a girl who lived here last year was supposed to get it again, but she never showed up.”
Strange, I thought, as we headed back to my apartment. Katie was still upset with me, but I promised to stay up the rest of the night and watch her. I stayed awake thinking of what could be drawing her to that room. When Katie left in the morning, I took a quick nap before my afternoon class, filled with nightmares of the apartment upstairs.
After class the next day, I took a walk with one of my friends around campus and told her about the sleepwalking. To my surprise, she was skeptical.
“It is strange that she’s never sleepwalked before and now she’s doing it every night, but college brings out new traits in people all the time,” she said. “And how can she be sure it was leading her somewhere, she even admitted not knowing where she ended up one of the night, she could’ve gone in a completely different direction.”
“You didn’t see the way she was walking though. It wasn’t normal. I can’t just ignore it, the girl’s terrified!”
“I’m not saying you should ignore it, I think you should do the opposite. Convince her to stay over again, let her sleepwalk, and follow her. You’ll see, when she gets to the apartment, nothing will happen.”
She paused, “Take your phone with you. If things get bad, call someone.”
I met Katie outside her apartment. I thought she wouldn’t want to stay over again, but when I saw her she was near tears.
“I’m so scared to go to sleep tonight,” she moaned. “I’ll do whatever you think I should, just please help me.”
My roommate was staying over at his girlfriends’s again, so Katie huddled on the couch, blankets pulled up to her chin. I was more than exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before, but I was determined to stay awake. I put my headphones in, grabbed a book, and sat on the other couch, facing Katie. My head began to nod, and my eyelids grew heavy, but I fought to stay awake.
I must’ve dozed off, despite my efforts, because next thing I knew, I awoke to Katie standing over me, her eyes open but glazed, just like last night. I felt my skin crawl: she was looking straight at me.
“Katie?” I whispered in a small voice. She kept staring, right into my eyes, and then turned and walked out of the apartment. I started to climb out of bed to follow her, but as she exited the doorway, Katie slammed the door behind her.
Katie reached the door at the end of the hall and paused. She turned her blank, staring face towards the doorway and slowly, oh so slowly, reached for the doorknob. I was suddenly terrified to find out what was behind that door. I darted forward and shook Katie awake.
She came to, and looked around. Several emotions flickered across her face: confusion, fear, and finally, anger. At me.
“You let me sleepwalk!” she yelled. “How could you? You said you’d wake me up!”
I apologized, as a couple people poked their heads into the hallway to see what the commotion was. One of them was an older lady, she came forward, arms crossed, and asked us why we were disturbing everyone.
“Sorry,” I said. “My friend was sleepwalking, we’ll be going now.” I paused. “Actually, could you tell us who lives in this apartment?”
“This one? It’s empty, a girl who lived here last year was supposed to get it again, but she never showed up.”
Strange, I thought, as we headed back to my apartment. Katie was still upset with me, but I promised to stay up the rest of the night and watch her. I stayed awake thinking of what could be drawing her to that room. When Katie left in the morning, I took a quick nap before my afternoon class, filled with nightmares of the apartment upstairs.
After class the next day, I took a walk with one of my friends around campus and told her about the sleepwalking. To my surprise, she was skeptical.
“It is strange that she’s never sleepwalked before and now she’s doing it every night, but college brings out new traits in people all the time,” she said. “And how can she be sure it was leading her somewhere, she even admitted not knowing where she ended up one of the night, she could’ve gone in a completely different direction.”
“You didn’t see the way she was walking though. It wasn’t normal. I can’t just ignore it, the girl’s terrified!”
“I’m not saying you should ignore it, I think you should do the opposite. Convince her to stay over again, let her sleepwalk, and follow her. You’ll see, when she gets to the apartment, nothing will happen.”
She paused, “Take your phone with you. If things get bad, call someone.”
I met Katie outside her apartment. I thought she wouldn’t want to stay over again, but when I saw her she was near tears.
“I’m so scared to go to sleep tonight,” she moaned. “I’ll do whatever you think I should, just please help me.”
My roommate was staying over at his girlfriends’s again, so Katie huddled on the couch, blankets pulled up to her chin. I was more than exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before, but I was determined to stay awake. I put my headphones in, grabbed a book, and sat on the other couch, facing Katie. My head began to nod, and my eyelids grew heavy, but I fought to stay awake.
I must’ve dozed off, despite my efforts, because next thing I knew, I awoke to Katie standing over me, her eyes open but glazed, just like last night. I felt my skin crawl: she was looking straight at me.
“Katie?” I whispered in a small voice. She kept staring, right into my eyes, and then turned and walked out of the apartment. I started to climb out of bed to follow her, but as she exited the doorway, Katie slammed the door behind her.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Vacation = Time to write. Been trying my hand at heavy dialogue short stories. This is my favorite one so far. Sleepwalking Part 1
I was sitting in my apartment, getting some late night studying in, when I heard it. A quiet sobbing sound, coming from out in the hallway. It was faint, but my door was cracked open so I was sure I could hear someone out there, crying. I shut my book and tiptoed out into the hall. There was no one in sight, but I thought I could hear the sobbing from around the corner. I peeked around the bend to see a girl collapsed on the ground in her pajamas, her eyes covered and her shoulders heaving.
I immediately rushed to her side and put my arms around her to make sure she was alright. She was blonde and a little chubby, and as she looked up, I recognized her from class. Biol 325, I think it was? I wished I’d caught her name.
“You’re Nick, from Professor Nelsons’s class, aren’t you?” she sniffed, recognizing me as well.
“Yeah, sorry, I don’t know your name though,” I grinned sheepishly.
“I’m Katie,” she whispered before dissolving into tears again. She looked more scared than sad, I noticed, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.
It wasn’t all that uncommon to see fellow classmates in hysterics. Not only could the stress of college classes easily tear someone apart, but on top of that you were in unfamiliar territory. Plus, almost everyone seemed to have relationship problems of some sort. I just assumed Katie was just homesick. I tried to comfort her, rubbing her shoulders.
A guy stuck his head of another room and said, “SHHH!”
I didn't take to much notice of it, but invited Katie back to my apartment for some tea and talk. Studying could wait. I filled two mugs with water, put them in the microwave, and plopped down on the couch. My roommate was staying at his girlfriends’s, so Katie sat timidly on the edge of the other couch. I waited for her to speak, and after a moment, decided to break the silence.
“So what’s getting you down? Relationship trouble, homework? Catch a sad movie on campus?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Katie didn’t laugh. I noticed again the fear in her eyes, more pronounced this time. Worried, I leaned forward, “Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?”
She shook her head slowly, not meeting my eyes. She took a shaky breath and said, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
My stomach was in knots. Please don’t be anything supernatural. I forced a smile and promised her she could tell me anything, I wouldn’t judge her. Katie took a deep breath and began her story.
“It started when I moved back into my apartment last week. The first night there, I’d just finished unpacking everything and I fell asleep late, around two in the morning. I’m usually a pretty sound sleeper, I don’t even toss and turn, but this night was different. Suddenly, I find myself outside my apartment, standing in the hallway. I didn’t remember how I got there, I must’ve been sleepwalking. I’ve never done that before, not once in my life. It was a little freaky, but I just went back to bed and tried to forget about it.
“The next night was worse. I went to bed earlier, maybe around eleven or midnight. This time, I woke up and I was standing in the stairwell, one floor below mine. Just like the night before, I tried to brush it off and go back to sleep. Then the next night, it happened again. This time, I was downstairs, almost out the front door. I was totally freaked, and the following night I shoved my dresser in front of the door to make sure I couldn’t leave.
“But that didn’t help. When I woke up, I was standing outside. It was so dark, I didn’t even know where I was at first, and all I was wearing was my PJs. Some guys walked by and started yelling things at me, nasty things. I was so scared—I ran and finally made my way back to my apartment. And every night since then, I’ve woken up further and further away from my bed.”
She started to sob again, and I put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “But not tonight, you only ended up in the hallway,” I said, trying to cheer her up. “Which apartment is yours? You can grab some stuff and stay here tonight, if you’d like.”
But Katie shook her head, wide eyed. “I don’t live in this building, my apartment's in the Promenade.”
I froze. That building wasn’t even near mine, it had to be a few miles away! How could she have sleepwalked all the way here? There was definitely something going on here. I kind of hoped my roommate was here at this point. The minute I thought that, I changed my mind. He’s way too into this paranormal stuff. Best to deal with this on my own.
The microwave beeped and we both jumped. I got up to get our tea.
“Is there any significance to where you were each time you woke up?” I asked. Katie shook her head. I thought for a second, and tried again, “Did you walk out in random directions, or were all of the places you woke up in a straight line?”
She thought about it for a moment, “Um… I—I think they might’ve been in a straight line. Yeah, now that I really think about it… I do keep heading in the same direction.”
“And tonight you ended up here, on the fourth floor.”
“Yeah, that’s weird. I wonder…” she trailed off.
I finished her thought, “I wonder where you’re being led to.”
Katie looked scared. I could tell she very much did not want to find that out. I’ll admit, I was a little scared too, but my curiosity was piqued.
“Stay here tonight, my roommate is… otherwise occupied. You can sleep in his bed,” I said. “I was going to study anyway, so I’ll stay up and make sure you don’t sleepwalk.”
Katie nodded and looked relieved. After finishing her tea, she lay down on the couch and fell fast asleep. I went back to studying.
The next hour was pretty uneventful. I was just finishing up a chapter, when, in the dim light of my desk lamp, I saw Katie sit straight up on the couch. Her eyes were open, staring straight ahead. My pulse quickened. She looked so… unnatural. I reached forward to wake her, but then hesitated. She’s already been led this far, I want to see where she’s going. I hoped she’d forgive me, I mean, how else would we get to the bottom of this if I woke her up now?
To be continued when I have more time to finish.
I immediately rushed to her side and put my arms around her to make sure she was alright. She was blonde and a little chubby, and as she looked up, I recognized her from class. Biol 325, I think it was? I wished I’d caught her name.
“You’re Nick, from Professor Nelsons’s class, aren’t you?” she sniffed, recognizing me as well.
“Yeah, sorry, I don’t know your name though,” I grinned sheepishly.
“I’m Katie,” she whispered before dissolving into tears again. She looked more scared than sad, I noticed, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.
It wasn’t all that uncommon to see fellow classmates in hysterics. Not only could the stress of college classes easily tear someone apart, but on top of that you were in unfamiliar territory. Plus, almost everyone seemed to have relationship problems of some sort. I just assumed Katie was just homesick. I tried to comfort her, rubbing her shoulders.
A guy stuck his head of another room and said, “SHHH!”
I didn't take to much notice of it, but invited Katie back to my apartment for some tea and talk. Studying could wait. I filled two mugs with water, put them in the microwave, and plopped down on the couch. My roommate was staying at his girlfriends’s, so Katie sat timidly on the edge of the other couch. I waited for her to speak, and after a moment, decided to break the silence.
“So what’s getting you down? Relationship trouble, homework? Catch a sad movie on campus?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Katie didn’t laugh. I noticed again the fear in her eyes, more pronounced this time. Worried, I leaned forward, “Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?”
She shook her head slowly, not meeting my eyes. She took a shaky breath and said, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
My stomach was in knots. Please don’t be anything supernatural. I forced a smile and promised her she could tell me anything, I wouldn’t judge her. Katie took a deep breath and began her story.
“It started when I moved back into my apartment last week. The first night there, I’d just finished unpacking everything and I fell asleep late, around two in the morning. I’m usually a pretty sound sleeper, I don’t even toss and turn, but this night was different. Suddenly, I find myself outside my apartment, standing in the hallway. I didn’t remember how I got there, I must’ve been sleepwalking. I’ve never done that before, not once in my life. It was a little freaky, but I just went back to bed and tried to forget about it.
“The next night was worse. I went to bed earlier, maybe around eleven or midnight. This time, I woke up and I was standing in the stairwell, one floor below mine. Just like the night before, I tried to brush it off and go back to sleep. Then the next night, it happened again. This time, I was downstairs, almost out the front door. I was totally freaked, and the following night I shoved my dresser in front of the door to make sure I couldn’t leave.
“But that didn’t help. When I woke up, I was standing outside. It was so dark, I didn’t even know where I was at first, and all I was wearing was my PJs. Some guys walked by and started yelling things at me, nasty things. I was so scared—I ran and finally made my way back to my apartment. And every night since then, I’ve woken up further and further away from my bed.”
She started to sob again, and I put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “But not tonight, you only ended up in the hallway,” I said, trying to cheer her up. “Which apartment is yours? You can grab some stuff and stay here tonight, if you’d like.”
But Katie shook her head, wide eyed. “I don’t live in this building, my apartment's in the Promenade.”
I froze. That building wasn’t even near mine, it had to be a few miles away! How could she have sleepwalked all the way here? There was definitely something going on here. I kind of hoped my roommate was here at this point. The minute I thought that, I changed my mind. He’s way too into this paranormal stuff. Best to deal with this on my own.
The microwave beeped and we both jumped. I got up to get our tea.
“Is there any significance to where you were each time you woke up?” I asked. Katie shook her head. I thought for a second, and tried again, “Did you walk out in random directions, or were all of the places you woke up in a straight line?”
She thought about it for a moment, “Um… I—I think they might’ve been in a straight line. Yeah, now that I really think about it… I do keep heading in the same direction.”
“And tonight you ended up here, on the fourth floor.”
“Yeah, that’s weird. I wonder…” she trailed off.
I finished her thought, “I wonder where you’re being led to.”
Katie looked scared. I could tell she very much did not want to find that out. I’ll admit, I was a little scared too, but my curiosity was piqued.
“Stay here tonight, my roommate is… otherwise occupied. You can sleep in his bed,” I said. “I was going to study anyway, so I’ll stay up and make sure you don’t sleepwalk.”
Katie nodded and looked relieved. After finishing her tea, she lay down on the couch and fell fast asleep. I went back to studying.
The next hour was pretty uneventful. I was just finishing up a chapter, when, in the dim light of my desk lamp, I saw Katie sit straight up on the couch. Her eyes were open, staring straight ahead. My pulse quickened. She looked so… unnatural. I reached forward to wake her, but then hesitated. She’s already been led this far, I want to see where she’s going. I hoped she’d forgive me, I mean, how else would we get to the bottom of this if I woke her up now?
To be continued when I have more time to finish.
Monday, November 12, 2012
A poet's day off
I promise
this poem won't be
as tragic as the others.
I won't sneak
the spine
out of your smile.
I won't pour shadows
over your sun rays anymore.
let me wake
that sun of yours.
I promise to never place
sad stories
in that space
beneath your chest.
that I hijack so often.
I promise not to
dig up
my past dreams
post marked
for you.
I will keep them
buried away.
But I promise
not to take it out
on account
that something goes wrong
and I need you
to know
that i'm working
on not hurting.
I am going to
take a day off
from this poetry thing
So here I am
standing an upright stance
at the banks
of a page's shore
not trying
to part tears
only pouts.
Only speaking
to sprout smiles
since I know
how uncomfortable
you get
when I write
them sad poems.
or them mad poems.
and lately, those happy poems.
So today
I'll put away
my soap opera tales,
my fairytale happy endings
and tattoo some red
over my blues eyes
for you.
and for a once
i'll forget my worries
and ill remind myself
how well my smile
reflects in others eyes.
this poem won't be
as tragic as the others.
I won't sneak
the spine
out of your smile.
I won't pour shadows
over your sun rays anymore.
let me wake
that sun of yours.
I promise to never place
sad stories
in that space
beneath your chest.
that I hijack so often.
I promise not to
dig up
my past dreams
post marked
for you.
I will keep them
buried away.
But I promise
not to take it out
on account
that something goes wrong
and I need you
to know
that i'm working
on not hurting.
I am going to
take a day off
from this poetry thing
So here I am
standing an upright stance
at the banks
of a page's shore
not trying
to part tears
only pouts.
Only speaking
to sprout smiles
since I know
how uncomfortable
you get
when I write
them sad poems.
or them mad poems.
and lately, those happy poems.
So today
I'll put away
my soap opera tales,
my fairytale happy endings
and tattoo some red
over my blues eyes
for you.
and for a once
i'll forget my worries
and ill remind myself
how well my smile
reflects in others eyes.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
I should be studying, but instead I wrote a song
Days go by like the ticking of a second hand
Don't know why but I'm thinking
I don't understand
I come from a land called,
Well that don't matter as long as you call
Sittin here reminiscing
I don't know why that is
It is you I call on
Girl I only wish
To taste your breath, your kiss
It is you I'm calling
I would wish that I could sometimes have a second chance
Things don't always go according to plan
And I'm afraid that I may have scared you
Well girl I didn't mean to
Sittin here reminiscing
I dont know why that is
It is you I call on
Girl I only wish
To taste your breath, your kiss
It is you I'm calling
Ive been thinking this is not my day
I was trying to think of something clever to say.
I'm loosing interest in so many ways
I'm getting to the point where I'm willing to stay
I was passing by this way
I'd listen to you if you'd explain
Have I told you I feel the same
Have I told you I feel the same
Sittin here reminiscing
I dont know why that is
It is you I call on
Girl I only wish
To taste your breath, your kiss
It is you I'm calling
Don't know why but I'm thinking
I don't understand
I come from a land called,
Well that don't matter as long as you call
Sittin here reminiscing
I don't know why that is
It is you I call on
Girl I only wish
To taste your breath, your kiss
It is you I'm calling
I would wish that I could sometimes have a second chance
Things don't always go according to plan
And I'm afraid that I may have scared you
Well girl I didn't mean to
Sittin here reminiscing
I dont know why that is
It is you I call on
Girl I only wish
To taste your breath, your kiss
It is you I'm calling
Ive been thinking this is not my day
I was trying to think of something clever to say.
I'm loosing interest in so many ways
I'm getting to the point where I'm willing to stay
I was passing by this way
I'd listen to you if you'd explain
Have I told you I feel the same
Have I told you I feel the same
Sittin here reminiscing
I dont know why that is
It is you I call on
Girl I only wish
To taste your breath, your kiss
It is you I'm calling
Friday, October 12, 2012
it's nights like these that i miss you,
i miss you more than i've missed anyone.
against all odds and against what fate had in store,
you walked into my life and flipped around my insides.
[at least that's what it feels like when i hear your name.]
it's nights like these that i love you,
i love you more than i ever, ever should.
against my own good sense and against your wishes,
i will carry a piece of you with me, tangled in my insides.
[at least that's what it feels like when i see your face.]
you're the only one i can converse with in other's words,
words like, "if i could i would shrink myself and sink
through your skin to your blood cells and remove
whatever makes you hurt but i am too weak
to be your cure."
words like, "you are the smell after the sunflower blossoms,
as bright as the yellow leaves while they bath in the sun.
call me a safe bet. i'm betting i'm not.
i'm glad that you can forgive. i'm only hoping....
as time goes, you can forget."
these words i could never say on my own,
so i'll rip my heart out and hand it over,
on a silver platter ringed with the dead sunflowers,
still pumping, beating, strong as can be.
and i might be nothing you want anymore,
and that's okay, because i don't want me either.
i'll find someone, someday, but they won't be you.
this is everything i never had the heart to say.
because it wouldn't have changed anything,
it was always the wrong situation, the wrong time,
the wrong girl. always.
but i loved you, i loved you.
i could never bring myself to hurt you,
but what's done is done and i can't take it back.
and i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, and this is everything,
everything i've held inside, wrapped up.
i've always had the worst timing.
i'm constantly a walking catastrophe.
but i'd clean up my act for you,
and it'd feel good doing it.
i miss you more than i've missed anyone.
against all odds and against what fate had in store,
you walked into my life and flipped around my insides.
[at least that's what it feels like when i hear your name.]
it's nights like these that i love you,
i love you more than i ever, ever should.
against my own good sense and against your wishes,
i will carry a piece of you with me, tangled in my insides.
[at least that's what it feels like when i see your face.]
you're the only one i can converse with in other's words,
words like, "if i could i would shrink myself and sink
through your skin to your blood cells and remove
whatever makes you hurt but i am too weak
to be your cure."
words like, "you are the smell after the sunflower blossoms,
as bright as the yellow leaves while they bath in the sun.
call me a safe bet. i'm betting i'm not.
i'm glad that you can forgive. i'm only hoping....
as time goes, you can forget."
these words i could never say on my own,
so i'll rip my heart out and hand it over,
on a silver platter ringed with the dead sunflowers,
still pumping, beating, strong as can be.
and i might be nothing you want anymore,
and that's okay, because i don't want me either.
i'll find someone, someday, but they won't be you.
this is everything i never had the heart to say.
because it wouldn't have changed anything,
it was always the wrong situation, the wrong time,
the wrong girl. always.
but i loved you, i loved you.
i could never bring myself to hurt you,
but what's done is done and i can't take it back.
and i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, and this is everything,
everything i've held inside, wrapped up.
i've always had the worst timing.
i'm constantly a walking catastrophe.
but i'd clean up my act for you,
and it'd feel good doing it.
Friday, September 21, 2012
You are everything I dont want to remember
I don’t want to remember her anymore.
Why can't someone who was so important in your life, someone who knew you better than you did yourself, someone whose heart beat in your chest and yours in hers, could just fade from memory? Like warm breath on cold mirror. Just. Gone.
I don’t want to remember you anymore.
I think it is slipping.
I used to be able to remember. In my mind you were covered head to toe in breathable summer attire - Chuck Taylor slip ons, a white see through tank top, black bra, your favorite and shortest jean shorts that always left me speechless and staring in awe. I remember I closed my eyes, and when I opened them you were staring at me with a grin on your face and you laughed. I always thought you were up to something, but I never found out. So I put it out of my mind and started skipping rocks again into the lake.
On the way back home in the back seat, you were smiling at me and hot from the summer air. I put my arm around you and held you tight. You gave me a warm, grateful smile, and I remember thinking making you smile is definitely worth a hot afternoon or two, or fifty. The sun shone about as I kissed you in the entrance of your apartment, and everything faded away – the sun, the heat, the wind, the poor homeless man who sits on the corners in Towson.
I remember I was so anxious to get back to your place. Once we did you took off your clothes and mine, and hugged me under the bed sheets first, and then the floral covers that you liked. We fell asleep like that, and I remember drifting off, thinking that it was nice to be happy and cheerful for a change and I liked it and I also cooled down.
And that’s it. All I want to have left are impressions.
Its slipping away.
I don’t remember your face, but I remember the quirky dance of your lips. I don’t remember your hand in mine, but I remember mine cozy resting on your leg. I don’t remember your eyes, but I remember the way you looked at me and really saw me. I don’t remember your skin against mine, but I remember the sensation that came over me when you brushed up next to me. I don’t remember how you smelled, but I remember the exact smell of the shampoo, that I could never use, in your hair when you came out of the shower.
I don’t want to remember what you looked like, but I do remember when we hug, my chin will just about rest on your head. I know you could hear my heartbeat in my chest. And I never had the chance to tell you that it beat for you, always.
And that would have been it, but your heart couldn’t beat anymore, and my promise that mine would for you, always, is the only reason it still is.
I don’t want to have many memories left of you, and as time goes by, I will have less as they slip throw the cracks in the wall of my mind. Maybe, the memories go back to you, maybe they have to, to make you whole. Maybe it doesn’t matter what I remember, save that I loved, and was loved, and that will have to be enough.
Why can't someone who was so important in your life, someone who knew you better than you did yourself, someone whose heart beat in your chest and yours in hers, could just fade from memory? Like warm breath on cold mirror. Just. Gone.
I don’t want to remember you anymore.
I think it is slipping.
I used to be able to remember. In my mind you were covered head to toe in breathable summer attire - Chuck Taylor slip ons, a white see through tank top, black bra, your favorite and shortest jean shorts that always left me speechless and staring in awe. I remember I closed my eyes, and when I opened them you were staring at me with a grin on your face and you laughed. I always thought you were up to something, but I never found out. So I put it out of my mind and started skipping rocks again into the lake.
On the way back home in the back seat, you were smiling at me and hot from the summer air. I put my arm around you and held you tight. You gave me a warm, grateful smile, and I remember thinking making you smile is definitely worth a hot afternoon or two, or fifty. The sun shone about as I kissed you in the entrance of your apartment, and everything faded away – the sun, the heat, the wind, the poor homeless man who sits on the corners in Towson.
I remember I was so anxious to get back to your place. Once we did you took off your clothes and mine, and hugged me under the bed sheets first, and then the floral covers that you liked. We fell asleep like that, and I remember drifting off, thinking that it was nice to be happy and cheerful for a change and I liked it and I also cooled down.
And that’s it. All I want to have left are impressions.
Its slipping away.
I don’t remember your face, but I remember the quirky dance of your lips. I don’t remember your hand in mine, but I remember mine cozy resting on your leg. I don’t remember your eyes, but I remember the way you looked at me and really saw me. I don’t remember your skin against mine, but I remember the sensation that came over me when you brushed up next to me. I don’t remember how you smelled, but I remember the exact smell of the shampoo, that I could never use, in your hair when you came out of the shower.
I don’t want to remember what you looked like, but I do remember when we hug, my chin will just about rest on your head. I know you could hear my heartbeat in my chest. And I never had the chance to tell you that it beat for you, always.
And that would have been it, but your heart couldn’t beat anymore, and my promise that mine would for you, always, is the only reason it still is.
I don’t want to have many memories left of you, and as time goes by, I will have less as they slip throw the cracks in the wall of my mind. Maybe, the memories go back to you, maybe they have to, to make you whole. Maybe it doesn’t matter what I remember, save that I loved, and was loved, and that will have to be enough.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Fading
Just as we become so strong,
I feel it fading away,
I feel the laughter fading,
The jokes and smiles lessen each day,
I feel the hug fading,
They've become so emotionless compared to before,
I feel our kisses fading,
The passion has it all faded too?
I feel your love for me dying,
But is my love fading as well?
I can't seem to understand,
This feeling is so strong,
Every time we are "we"
The love fades away,
But every time it's just you and I,
The love is so strong,
How could our love be fading?
Will it return from the darkness?
I need this love,
I need you,
Please stop the fading
If there is anything you can do...
I feel it fading away,
I feel the laughter fading,
The jokes and smiles lessen each day,
I feel the hug fading,
They've become so emotionless compared to before,
I feel our kisses fading,
The passion has it all faded too?
I feel your love for me dying,
But is my love fading as well?
I can't seem to understand,
This feeling is so strong,
Every time we are "we"
The love fades away,
But every time it's just you and I,
The love is so strong,
How could our love be fading?
Will it return from the darkness?
I need this love,
I need you,
Please stop the fading
If there is anything you can do...
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Yellow and Black, so simple yet so intriguing.
Quickly a smile draws across my face.
And only he knows why.
I look and I see..
His smile…..
Oh, that smile.
It makes me transparent,
I know he see’s right through me.
a tough exterior. a little bit harsh. overworked and run down.
Stressing over the stupid things
Hush, my worried little thoughts.
He knows the truth.
He believes in me when I think all is lost.
One look at him and all reality disappears.
I am, safe. carefree. myself.
A part of me I usually don’t recognize
I am happy.
Not a plaster on a fake smile, trick everyone…happy,
But genuinely happy.
If ever I get lost
I think of sunflowers….
because with him everything will be alright.
Alright.
-Nicole Robert
Quickly a smile draws across my face.
And only he knows why.
I look and I see..
His smile…..
Oh, that smile.
It makes me transparent,
I know he see’s right through me.
a tough exterior. a little bit harsh. overworked and run down.
Stressing over the stupid things
Hush, my worried little thoughts.
He knows the truth.
He believes in me when I think all is lost.
One look at him and all reality disappears.
I am, safe. carefree. myself.
A part of me I usually don’t recognize
I am happy.
Not a plaster on a fake smile, trick everyone…happy,
But genuinely happy.
If ever I get lost
I think of sunflowers….
because with him everything will be alright.
Alright.
-Nicole Robert
Saturday, June 16, 2012
you and me
No matter the distance
or the setbacks,
the sticky situation
and the bad rep,
we were meant to be,
me and you
music to my ears
you're all I wanna see
let's meet in the middle
start a life together
you and me.
or the setbacks,
the sticky situation
and the bad rep,
we were meant to be,
me and you
music to my ears
you're all I wanna see
let's meet in the middle
start a life together
you and me.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
For What It's Worth
she came over last night
wearing a green wool sweater
sleeves rolled up and hair down
bustline buttons barely hanging on
squeezed into painted on shorts
as usual, similar to the ones when we first met
it had been some time
hadn’t heard from her in a while
we made a decision
then lost touch
so good to see her again
to lock eyes like we used to
my faint eyes peering into precious blue
our lips slowly dancing till dawn
with the dimly lit street lights
trees blowing soft in the spring breeze
our hands interlaced
feeling my blood up on her hip
and my arms squeezed tight around her body
while rocking side to side
two-stepping to the beat of our hearts
holding her close like this
feeling her warm breasts full up on me
remembering everything we ever had
the moment frozen as the earth stood still
sex wasn’t imminent this time
because I knew it would not last
this would soon just be a memory
holding her close like this
the sun started to rise too soon
time to part ways
she left me wondering,
wondering if this was the final goodbye.
wearing a green wool sweater
sleeves rolled up and hair down
bustline buttons barely hanging on
squeezed into painted on shorts
as usual, similar to the ones when we first met
it had been some time
hadn’t heard from her in a while
we made a decision
then lost touch
so good to see her again
to lock eyes like we used to
my faint eyes peering into precious blue
our lips slowly dancing till dawn
with the dimly lit street lights
trees blowing soft in the spring breeze
our hands interlaced
feeling my blood up on her hip
and my arms squeezed tight around her body
while rocking side to side
two-stepping to the beat of our hearts
holding her close like this
feeling her warm breasts full up on me
remembering everything we ever had
the moment frozen as the earth stood still
sex wasn’t imminent this time
because I knew it would not last
this would soon just be a memory
holding her close like this
the sun started to rise too soon
time to part ways
she left me wondering,
wondering if this was the final goodbye.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
oh yeah...I was dreaming
You crept into my dreams again...
I woke with you inside my head, all alone in my queen size bed.
It's times like these that I do dread...
why can't I dream of someone new... of other things other than you
like ... uhhh... mmm... oh nevermind...
I'll dream of you cause you're divine...
I woke with you inside my head, all alone in my queen size bed.
It's times like these that I do dread...
why can't I dream of someone new... of other things other than you
like ... uhhh... mmm... oh nevermind...
I'll dream of you cause you're divine...
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy New Years
If I were going to change for the better
I’d have changed by now
The end is a wasted incentive
A new beginning is for those who believe
I’ve cashed in all my second chances
And am burning up all my passion
I’ve derived my devils into
The salvation of saliva
When our sweat is not enough wet
To anoint our dirty sacred
Let me leave here without a language
Because my idea of living for tomorrow
Is found in the stories I leave behind
You can’t be chaste and live forever
I have learned in LIFE IS FICTION 101
The endings of all stories need closure
For the reader and the character
Let me leave my legacy
In the places you are afraid to touch
Because
I’ve always been that guy who went a little too far
Let me take you a little too far
Just to the tip of forever and I’ll pull out
I promise
I may not die at the end of this year
But I will be dead someday
And the fear of being forgotten
Is enough to make me stay
And car crash my mouth again
Take a good long listen rubbernecker
And later you can tell your friends
There is this guy you met
And he said some things you’ll never forget
I mean
Really really really
Nasty things
But you liked it
I mean
I never wanted to be the best poet/storyteller/dirtytalker ever
I just wanted to be someone’s favorite
Enough to not forget me later
Because it may not be at the end of this year
But I will leave someday
And the fear that you might forget me
Is hell enough to stay
I’d have changed by now
The end is a wasted incentive
A new beginning is for those who believe
I’ve cashed in all my second chances
And am burning up all my passion
I’ve derived my devils into
The salvation of saliva
When our sweat is not enough wet
To anoint our dirty sacred
Let me leave here without a language
Because my idea of living for tomorrow
Is found in the stories I leave behind
You can’t be chaste and live forever
I have learned in LIFE IS FICTION 101
The endings of all stories need closure
For the reader and the character
Let me leave my legacy
In the places you are afraid to touch
Because
I’ve always been that guy who went a little too far
Let me take you a little too far
Just to the tip of forever and I’ll pull out
I promise
I may not die at the end of this year
But I will be dead someday
And the fear of being forgotten
Is enough to make me stay
And car crash my mouth again
Take a good long listen rubbernecker
And later you can tell your friends
There is this guy you met
And he said some things you’ll never forget
I mean
Really really really
Nasty things
But you liked it
I mean
I never wanted to be the best poet/storyteller/dirtytalker ever
I just wanted to be someone’s favorite
Enough to not forget me later
Because it may not be at the end of this year
But I will leave someday
And the fear that you might forget me
Is hell enough to stay
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